پنجشنبه, بهمن 13, 1401

NEDAYE HORMOZGAN ONLINE
The online newspaper version of the Iranian

ورود/عضویت

طنز ِ روز

ملاقات عمومی!

نوشته ی: راشدانصاری

می دانید که روزهای سه شنبه و در ساعات اداری، بیشتر مدیران کل و رییس و روسای ادارات و سازمان ها و…با مردم(ارباب رجوع)ملاقات عمومی دارند. اگر چه عده ای بر این عقیده اند که این روز را باید ملاقات خصوصی نام گذاری کنند تا عمومی!بگذریم.

شما فکر کنید این جا اتاق آقای رییس است و یکی از روزهای هفته یعنی سه شنبه کذایی:

ارباب رجوع:
– سلام آقای رییس.
رییس:
– بنده رییس نیستم!
– پس رییس کجا تشریف دارن؟
– رفتن جایی جلسه!
– پس شما جای ایشون هستید؟
– بله.
ارباب رجوع نامه ای را به رییس که با زرنگی خود را جانشین معرفی کرده است، می دهد و منتظر جواب، خبردار می ایستد.
رییس:
– این نامه ی شما باید شخص رییس دستور بدن!
– کی تشریف می آرن؟
– چه کسی؟
– رییس دیگه!
– آهان، سه شنبه هفته ی آینده!
ارباب رجوع از اتاق خارج می شود و ارباب رجوع دیگری وارد می شود.
ارباب رجوع:
– سلام.
رییس:
خداحافظ!
– مشکلی داشتیم در خصوص…
– ممنونم!
– بابت چی؟
– چقدر امروز هوا گرمه!
– ببخشید با بنده هستین؟
رییس جوابی نمی دهد. ارباب رجوع زیر لب یواشکی طوری که رییس چند دقیقه قبل و جانشین فعلی نشنود، با خودش زمزمه می کند:
– چیزی هم که توی گوشش نیس!منظورم هندزفریه!
رییس یا همان جانشین:
– همه ی ما مشکل خاص خودمونو داریم!
ارباب رجوع حسابی گیج شده است و نمی داند چه بگوید. با ترس و لرز می گوید:
– شما حال تون خوبه؟
رییس:
– میل شده ممنون!
ارباب رجوع در حالی که با دو از اتاق خارج می شود، داد می زند.:
– خداحافظ.
رییس فریاد می زند:
– سلام.
این یکی هم از اتاق خارج می شود و نفر بعدی وارد می شود.
نفر بعدی:
– سلام جناب رییس.
رییس بلافاصله بلند می شود و ارباب رجوع را ( که خوشبختانه مرد است!) محکم در آغوش می گیرد و با صدای بلند شروع می کند به گریه و زاری!
نفربعدی:
– ببخشید جناب رییس چی شده مگه؟
– الساعه تماس گرفتن پدرم فوت شده!
– وای خدای من، از صمیم قلب تسلیت عرض می کنم.
– ممنونم.
و بلافاصله از ارباب رجوع( همان نفر بعدی) فاصله می گیرد. دسته کلید را از داخل کشو بر می دارد…
نفربعدی(ارباب رجوع) در حالی که اشکش سرازیر شده است:
– پس دارید تشریف می برید تشییع جنازه؟
رییس در حالی که مجدداً ارباب رجوع(نفربعدی) را در آغوش می گیرد و با صدای بلندتری گریه می کند:
– بله. دارم می رم!
– پس خداحافظ…
– خداحافظ شما!
در این لحظه رییس سابق! و جانشین فعلی که تا دم در آمده بود، بر می گردد پشت میزش می نشیند و شاسی زنگ را فشار می دهد.
خانم منشی با ناز و قمیش وارد می شود:
– امر بفرمایید جناب رییس.
– برای امروز کافیه. خسته شدم! به بقیه بگو برن که رییس داره می ره نماز…بعد خودت بیا که کار دارم…!

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